Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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