On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
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Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
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This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility