Texts From Last Night

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  (858): View more from California

  I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.

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  (858): I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it. http://tfl.nu/e9ge
  Replies (26) Good night (2086) Bad night (2913)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.

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  (651): It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits. http://tfl.nu/7qz9
  Replies (24) Good night (4185) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?

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  (703): is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday? http://tfl.nu/tuui
  Replies (11) Good night (1273) Bad night (3520)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.

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  (817): She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that. http://tfl.nu/vcnu
  Replies (11) Good night (1047) Bad night (3446)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.

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  (308): Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar. http://tfl.nu/fw94
  Replies (14) Good night (6047) Bad night (1096)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  which one looks the most like her?

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  (704): help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up (919): which one looks the most like her? http://tfl.nu/a8tn
  Replies (31) Good night (1423) Bad night (3577)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.

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  (845): From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend. http://tfl.nu/h8l3
  Replies (12) Good night (442) Bad night (1398)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.

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  (803): I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly. http://tfl.nu/xwln
  Replies (2) Good night (424) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"

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  (780): Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl" http://tfl.nu/k17c
  Replies (2) Good night (999) Bad night (451)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.

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  (425): So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height. http://tfl.nu/0pmh
  Replies (10) Good night (645) Bad night (364)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.

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  (248): I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose. http://tfl.nu/qcky
  Replies (2) Good night (686) Bad night (400)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out

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  (510): A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out http://tfl.nu/sxee
  Replies (3) Good night (1654) Bad night (362)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.

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  (304): I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/rvlh
  Replies (4) Good night (685) Bad night (304)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.

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  (636): Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you. http://tfl.nu/ltvz
  Replies (1) Good night (577) Bad night (335)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack

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  (802): He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack http://tfl.nu/u0hp
  Replies (6) Good night (422) Bad night (694)

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