He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
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totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
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I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down