I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
this boner is exhausting
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
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I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
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So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.