Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome