drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
