Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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