Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
did i just pee glitter
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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