how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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