does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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