hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
