Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
that may or may not have been my penis.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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