Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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