Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
