I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
