I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
4 words: hood of his car
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
