Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
