not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
