i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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