i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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