it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he thought i was a dude.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
