trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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