I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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