I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
