put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
