where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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