I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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