i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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