Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
