Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
