I hate your face
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
