woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
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Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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