3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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