Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
