I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My dick has a subreddit
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
