you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
