I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
