You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
