if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
