Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
A+ Viking dick
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
