it was like his penis was on wheels.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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