that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
