Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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