im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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