who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
her vagine was all disorganized.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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