"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize