whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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