Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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