this beer tastes like vomit already
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
