i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Your tits are I can't wait for
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
