remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
