shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
