Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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