Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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