Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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