Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
