your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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