forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
