dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
